This morning the air carries the scent of warm, damp hay. The birds were singing the day in loudly when I noticed this, and seemed to be telling me they had been doing so for some time this morning before I woke from my sleep to greet the day.
I am currently celebrating the joy of staying present and being fully in the moment. On Thursday last week this was huge for me because I was launching my book, and I was determined to enjoy my own reading and be able to immerse myself fully in the words of others.
My goal was to have moved on from the reading I did in October where I spent a lot of time beforehand overthinking it, because I did not know the best ways to tackle the nerves that rose in my stomach. I wanted to have less of that feeling that I captured in the poem ‘There’s a Doll Thumping in My Chest’!
I knew I would need water to hand because I had such a dry mouth last time and I knew I had to reframe some of my beliefs about myself. I tapped into everything I had learnt about myself from coaching and what it was that would help me be the best I could be. Trust me there’s been a lot of work on that since September and so many people from my In Good Company cohort have helped me move myself forward. My coach asked me if I had considered videoing myself and reviewing this, and this helped. Talking with good people helped, and giving myself a ‘confidence pocket’ was also fun.
All this led me to being able to enjoy the moment when the back of my neck tingled when Annick Yerem read my poem ‘Clambake’ and her poem ‘Out of Africa’. And to hold the joy of seeing the faces of friends in the audience (and their cats) who had come along to listen and support me.
There is an art to placing words in the air and I felt the craft of this in the readings that the open mic-ers shared. Throughout the evening I held on to my intention of remembering that people were celebrating with me, and that me and my words were worth it. Hugest thanks to Nigel Kent, Annick Yerem, Carol Sheppard, Liz Gibson and Matthew M C Smith. And to Rhianna Levi and Josephine Lay who shared sets. The fact we shared the space to launch ‘Welcome to the Museum of a Life’ means so much to me. I have no need to wonder about whether there was a recording because the whole evening is etched on my heart.
Here are some of the words that I tucked into my confidence pocket:
- I really don’t know why or how you ever doubted yourself.
- One day you’ll enjoy it.
- You read your poems on YouTube so well.
- You inhabit your poems when you read them.
All the people who are always rooting for me were also in that pocket, and I swear I could hear them gently cheering me on.
I now have this comment to add in: You looked so cool, calm and collected by the way.
This all moves me so far from:
- I can’t do this.
- I am not good enough.
And I got to see a very large sturgeon and an albatross in the Worcester museum. And enjoy a peppermint tea and a fizzy water before my reading.
Susan Richardson put together a special episode of her podcast to celebrate ‘Welcome to the Museum of a Life’ and it was an absolute treat to wake up on Sunday morning with the anticipation of finding out which poems she had selected. I loved listening and will listen again. Here’s the link to that episode of A Thousand Shades of Green and there are plenty of other episodes too, all the perfect length for when you need a pause in the day and a good listen.
Alt Text offers nothing for this week’s photo, but I say it is Sue Finch in the moment sharing her poems.
Here’s to all the singing that goes on as the darkness lifts.
Sue Finch 