STRIDING OUT

This morning the air carries the scents of fuchsia and tea rose, and I wonder whether an elephant hawk moth is eating leaves somewhere close by.

Alt text states this week’s photo is a person in a graduation gown. I say it is one of my special someones striding out in a mortar board and gown. 

I clapped and clapped and my hands were wonderfully tingly in celebration of all those at the ceremony. And I loved so many parts of it… that buzz of so much potential gathered temporarily in one place… the lump in my throat… the tear in my eye…the nudge and smile I got from the woman next to me in response to my extra loud applause and my heartfelt ’Yay’ on hearing their name called… the fact she whooped too…the photos…the meal out afterwards. That’s a great kind of striding out.

My kind of striding out was wetter and sensing that the photos would be far less frameable I made a video instead. I took a walk up Moel Famau. It looked grey in the distance as I drove towards it, but I had checked the weather forecast locally and it didn’t seem to be raining. I was wrong about that, and very glad to have packed my rucksack so that I could get used to walking with it before climbing Snowdon in a few weeks. I had forgotten my hat so as the rain wet my hair and the wind blew the large droplets in my face I reminded myself that I had chosen to do this and I would feel the benefit later. I took the shorter route up, and paused on the bench before the last steep bit to the summit to catch my breath, but I did it. I was indeed striding out with a purpose!  People are friendly on the hills and there were plenty of us having our own kind of walks and after a while you forget that you might look a little bit wild and just crack on because people still talk to you just the same. I am however looking forward to a drier version of the walk and I have located the perfect pocket to tuck my hat in so it is ready just in case.

When not striding out this week I have landed on the settees of friends and family for cups of tea or fizzy orange. Laughter, company and conversation in these places has gladdened my heart and made sure I am striding out with a spring in my step.

Here’s to all the strides we take and all those people who cheer us on.

Last July in his blog I shared my poem The Clock Ticks Louder Now as a nod to the Hurry Up driver in me that wants results quickly. I will share it again now and tip my hat to the fact that a year on I am celebrating the joy of repeated actions over time, and can recognise when the ‘Hurry Up’ is useful and when it needs to be quietened.

THE CLOCK TICKS LOUDER NOW

For the last three months the red clock

we rehomed from the charity shop

has been ticking more loudly.

I used to only notice if I listened.

Then I started to hear it when I bent down

to turn on the tv.

After that, I heard it each time I swapped shoes

for slippers in the hallway.

Now I can hear it when I lie in bed;

through two shut doors.

I dread lying down.

The space between the tick and tock

is just the same hyphened gap,

but my pulse tells me there’s something wrong.

I have started watching YouTube videos on double speed

eating my toast when it is a shade lighter than caramel

and there’s this voice in my head constantly

chanting, Hurry up, hurry up.

My thanks to Alan Parry for including this poem in his Coffeehouse Podcast in July 2024

ENTHUSIASTIC APPLAUSE

This morning I am interested in what the air smells like where you are. I am also interested in whether you will, in the future, help me to celebrate my hundredth episode by taking note of what the morning air is scented with on that particular day. If my calculations are correct the one hundredth episode will be on Monday 8th September and I would love to collate as many responses as possible to mark the occasion. That episode will also coincide with my blog being two years old. One hundred episodes over two years charting a new journey and keeping the promise to embrace Monday mornings. That feels good.

Alt text says this week’s photo is two women taking a selfie. I might say it is two women standing in a field readying for a concert and my sister would say it is not a field. She would be right because Dreamland Margate, which is where we were, has artificial grass and is in a town, but we were definitely readying for a concert. And it felt rather like being in a field.

It seems my sister and I have invented another tradition to go alongside our ‘sisters at the snooker’. Our new one is a July concert at Dreamland Margate. Last year we saw Suede and Manic Street Preachers and this year KT Tunstall and Texas. We are already wondering who we will see next year.

And breaking news… I can clap in time in certain circumstances! I have discovered that I can find that rhythm… when I am at an outdoor concert, when I really like the song, and when it’s been in my heart for a long time. Having not really ever been a clapper-alonger before this is worthy of a little celebration. My dancing is still a little on the wrong side of rhythmic, but I can clap along and jump up and down in a relatively beat driven way. There was plenty for me to get my hands in the air for at the concert, and lots of singing along too. 

There’s something rejuvenating about sunny evenings where your favourite bands play and you’re a few rows from the front. This was my first time seeing Texas live and they definitely brought the energy. It always feels like a gift to be in the presence of talent, and I love it! I loved the fact that a whole crowd of people applauded enthusiastically when Sharleen Spiteri took her jacket off after the first song. I loved the joy of hearing a set list of songs from my younger music video consuming days. I loved that the concert ended with an excellent version of Suspicious Minds. I loved that I got to share this experience.

In a week where I have shared time over iced coffees and been invited to zoom room shenanigans as well as taking a mini road trip to stand in a field that is not a field I find much to applaud enthusiastically. Here’s to all the things that bring us the kind of joy that make us clap our hands together both literally and metaphorically.

It feels apt to share a poem about clapping, but please note it is the kind of clapping at the opposite end of the continuum to the ones described above!

CLAPPING

You can hear your own clapping

louder than anyone else’s.

You are not matching the rhythm

of anyone in this room.

Soon they will be looking at you

willing you to stop.

You try to change the way

your hands hit one another

but you cannot unhollow the sound.

HOW IT STARTED, HOW IT’S GOING

This morning the cool air is very welcome. It carries the vague scent of cut flower stems.

Alt text suggested this week’s photos could be a collage of a person lying on the grass or a collage of a person smiling. I say it is my author photo from 2020 alongside one of my author photos from 2025.

I still like the photo of me lying in the rosemary from five years ago, but can never unsee the single hair under the word poet which escaped my notice at the time. And I really like the recent photo. It’s actually me!

Not only can I face the camera and smile now, I am also willing to pose for more than one photo at a time. That’s a lot of progress. And I am proud and intrigued to look back and see where I have come from. Of course if you ask Kath how difficult I find it to stand still and gaze into the middle distance or how many photos we rejected along the way there is a story there too!

A look backwards before continuing forwards, gives the perfect opportunity to highlight the moments worth celebrating. It also shows the value of repeated actions over time. I have increased my daily walk to 55 minutes instead of 40 and found the additional motivation I needed in the latest Mary Chapin Carpenter album ‘Personal History’. It has been the soundtrack to my walk since it was released in early June and now I can listen to the whole thing through and choose a couple of tracks to revisit as I end my walk. That album has been my constant companion every day and I love that I listen to it from beginning to end just like I listened to albums when I was young. It has a beautiful arc to it and is the perfect soundtrack to my walking this summer.

It was also a good job that whilst talking to my brother about my fitness journey he said, “I suppose you just keep extending what you are doing by a little bit more each time.” Just the right reminder nudge I needed to introduce that increase. It’s good to say things out loud and see how they sound in the air when you listen in. I also heard myself talking about wishing I regularly went for a walk at the beginning of the day and then heard my cogs whirring as I wondered why I didn’t and what the benefits would be if I did. I am not quite there with leaping out of bed to walk first thing, but I am making progress.

This week I am grateful for friends who have gone on walks with me, met me for coffee (which is often tea or water, but I call it coffee nonetheless), rung me just to say hello, and hugged me when we found ourselves brought together for a special occasion.

Here’s to hearing yourself think and finding the joy in sharing time with others.

Because I have started thinking about a possible entry for Poetry Archive NOW WordView 2025 here’s a poem that I enjoyed entering in the past. It’s about the pond in the park in Herne Bay. My brother and I used to canoe on it, my sister and I saw a gull eat a duckling after swooping for bread, and each visit home includes a walk to see if the terrapin is basking on the rock by the island. This poem was written after my sister rang me one day to tell me that the terrapin was not there but that she had seen an abandoned doll floating peacefully in the water.

NO TERRAPIN TODAY

Just her in the water.

The sun warming her as she floats.

A fallen leaf, landed beside her,

shines its green to the sky.

Branches and leaves pattern her outline

with their shadows.

You say you want to photograph her,

that you wonder what her eyes are seeing

as she lies unmoving in the water.

I can only think of thick mud

holding on tight to faded crisp packets.

But look, you say, she is smiling.

And she is.

Her long hair floats out like golden pondweed,

and she looks happy the abandoned doll;

eyes wide, eyelashes still curled,

that mouth.

As if she doesn’t even know

she was thrown in,

left behind.

ENTERING MY BLACK AND WHITE PHASE

This morning the air holds a hint of holly.

Alt text says this week’s photo is a person leaning against a brick wall. It is me and I am indeed leaning against a wall with the aim of getting used to having my photo taken. It is time for me to update some pics and my lovely wife has been offering to capture some images for me. There will be more to follow, but for now here I am leaning against a brick wall.

Do you ever hear an echo from the past when you are doing something in the present? This happens to me sometimes when I am having my photograph taken, and I remember being told I looked very serious once at an interview years ago and needed to smile more. Aaargh, that would be my serious, nervous face! It sometimes makes me think that this is what I am going to see when a photo is taken. It is good to face this head on (or indeed looking into the middle distance) and see how much I can move away from this. If you find me leaning on things and staring into the middle distance in the next week or so then please know I am working on building up my confidence in having my photo taken.

The past week had a bit of a National Trust theme. We had arranged to meet our lovely friends Sarah and Craig at a property that happened to be halfway between our two homes for a day trip. The night before, I checked I had my membership card only to find it was dated February. I then imagined a story in my head that we had been told there were no more membership cards as it was a waste of paper only to find out that we had indeed not renewed. We signed up again on the day and made use of the cards again at the end of the week to be able to spend time with my brother and his wife. There was even a poem about National Trust membership at the Crafty Crows poetry event I attended on Wednesday which made me laugh.

I love a walled garden to accompany a catching up with people and also enjoy asking the odd question as we go round the houses to find out a little more about the bits that intrigue or interest me. I am not really one for historical facts and dates, but I do like things! In one of the properties I saw a painting which seemed rather out of context with all the others because it was not a portrait. It featured a woman breastfeeding a man and by asking about the picture I was introduced to an ancient story that I had not previously encountered. Asking about a rather impressive lectern in a different property led to me setting a goal to find the raw materials to create something unique for poetry readings. I have set myself a year to find the right kind of stuff and can envisage a few trips to salvage yards or similar. I will enjoy sharing a photo or two when it is in existence.

Photos from our days out were colourful reminders of the time and space we shared and I was even able to invite my brother to tea at my house because he was staying nearby. I have been wanting to have a beer with my brother for quite some time and having expressed that wish to a friend recently it was wonderful to have that wish come true. It’s more about the time and space than the beer, but it was a delicious treat!

Here’s to all the ways of finding time and space to share with others that bring pure joy.

Here’s a poem that was written for the joy of walking near a river and noticing how it changes according to the amount of water it carries.

At Loggerheads

For The River Alyn as it flows through Loggerheads Country Park

Sometimes you lie dry.

Exposed furrows offer your mud

for footprints,

mosquitoes create whirlpools in the air. 

When you are full

your burble and flow

are in the folds of my brain

filtering my thoughts.

I lean over your bridge

for shadow photos.

You are dark. You are sparkling.

You are an almost mirror,

a depth, an ebb,

an onward.

A GREEN CARNATION

This morning the air holds the scent of oak and blackbirds are sounding their alarm calls.

Alt text says this week’s photo is a green object on a white plate. Kath says it did look better at the time. I say it is a twenty-three-year-old green carnation that will forever be one of the romantic things that symbolises me meeting my wife.

I was thinking about what it means to step into new things this week and perhaps this flower is a very good reminder of what can happen when you take the plunge and just do something. I loved that a woman I had never met said she would be wearing a green carnation and would meet me in a bar at 8pm on a Wednesday. I laugh at the fact I thought I was being helpful by saying I would wear a badge, but didn’t say that it would be on the hem of my jeans. I also laugh that I was thirty minutes early so that I could make sure I saw her walk in.

My thinking about being brave this week centred around finding an invitation from Kate Jenkinson to be a guest on LinkedIn live for her regular feature POETs Day. I have always wanted to be invited to such a thing so I said yes, did a little happy dance, and then contemplated what I needed to do to make sure I felt brave!

To get in the room I needed to channel my inner jaguar and remember the joy of being 10% braver. A grateful nod of thanks here to Rebecca Cuberli and Jaz Ampaw-Farr. Rebecca for the time and space to deeply explore my metaphors and Jaz for the idea of being 10% braver. Once in the space I could enjoy being the playful cat. 

Sometimes I still worry that I won’t know what to say or will run out of things to say when sharing space with others, but I am much better at answering that voice since coaching.  And talking one to one with someone is pure enjoyment for me so it’s well worth stepping into these spaces. I hold on tight to the knowledge that the best conversations give us time and space to be our authentic selves, and that is glorious. 

I had no idea it was International Pineapple Day until Kate mentioned it in her LinkedIn post and I loved the serendipity of the fact there was a poem on my desk with pineapples in it. I took this along to share, and I must say that being described as “The Perfect Guest”, was a wonderful comment to tuck safely in my confidence pocket. If I hadn’t had a poem I would have taken a tin of pineapple from the cupboard and celebrated that, but the poem was just the thing for a poet coach to take along. Kate and I had a wonderful chat about poetry and coaching and it put an extra sparkle into my Friday.

The poem was on my desk because Louise Longson had invited me to be one of her guests for her poetry event ‘Last Saturday’. This invite also widened my knowledge of celebration/commemoration days and I chose to follow up on the following themes that Louise mentioned when writing to me: World Sand Dune Day, Insect Week, Armed Forces Celebration Day and Pride. It felt good to put together poems to match the different themes and try them out together in a zoom room.

I will definitely be returning to the event as an avid listener because the range of readers that Louise brings together is superb and the format and length is just right. One hour or thereabouts of quality words beautifully shared. I also look forward to finding out which other calendar days are noted and celebrated, and I get the feeling it might inspire me to write a poem if I don’t have something suitable to hand.

Here’s Trawling on A Day’s Leave which sets down on the page what my Great Uncle once set down as a part of an oral history project. It was also pinned to Reculver on the Places of Poetry Map in 2019.

TRAWLING ON A DAY’S LEAVE, 1943

Too waterlogged to haul over the side

even for the strong arms

of you and your father.

You roped him to the boat,

tied him on the stern for towing behind.

He couldn’t be left to float;

he needed to come out trawling,

the dead man.

You took him with you to catch the tide.

For the living, for the food.

As the boat picked up speed

you couldn’t help but watch the almost enthusiastic

movement of his legs as he rode the waves

the three long miles to Reculver.

Back in town, the pineapples you brought from The Azores

were lined up in shop windows for all to see

while you delivered your German airman,

a line of bullets across his back,

to the coastguard station.

Summer Solstice

This morning the air is cool and there is a welcome breeze. A hint of light citrus seems to whirl in on the air before the richness of caramel is detected in a different direction.

Alt text suggests this week’s photo could be a person sitting in the grass with yellow flowers. I say it is my sister crouched in the border in her favourite park with her head nicely positioned between two yellow roses patiently waiting for me to take a photo. I also say it was a difficult photo to try to recreate so the opportunity to seize the moment and take the photo was well embraced.

The hottest day of the year coincided with Summer Solstice, and my sister and I went on a long river walk before ending up in the park waiting for the doughnut shop to open. I love the feeling of walking in intense sunshine, but was immensely grateful for an iced coffee and a fizzy water. I still find it difficult to remember all the things to say when ordering a coffee (or asking my sister to order it for me!) and that’s why the word decaffeinated fell out of my head to make space for salted caramel and oat milk when relaying what I thought might be tasty for my first iced coffee. It is also the reason my head was still buzzing at the end of the day and sleep took a very long time to be hauled in!

This week I completed a six month set of coaching with a person I have thoroughly enjoyed working with, took great pride in the testimonial I received, met a friend in the forest for laughter and a stroll (and vegan cake), landed on the settee in the company of wonderful friends, decided I wanted a new collection of poems that was 42 poems long with every seventh featuring a bird, shared shenanigans time in a zoom room, taught one of my nephews the joy of window cleaning, and consistently came third in Mario Kart when playing against my brother and sister.

A journey to Kent saw me enjoying the driving and my playlists. Different sets of songs fit well with the different legs of the journey, and I balance these with the slices of silences I choose along the way. When I drive the familiar route, it often feels like a road movie all of its own especially when the nights are light and the sun is shining.  I love the familiarity of the different sections of fields which I observe changing with the seasons, and those stretches where I am instructed to continue straight on for upwards of forty miles.

I drove my mum along the seafront on our way home from a trip out and found my mind flashing through memories. I revisited the taste of vinegary tomato ketchup on chips, the feel of the seam when wearing my rubber ring to paddle, the sound and excitement of bingo and slot machines. There was also the first time I ever drove my mum in the car and kangarooed it down her road and round the block whilst muttering a number of swear words and thinking she might need lots of persuading if she was ever to go for a drive with me again. And yet there we were decades later enjoying a smooth ride and one another’s company.

The sunny weather brings to mind the joy of simply lying down outside and watching the clouds. Here’s to moments like that and the thoughts that expand within them. This poem was first published by One Hand Clapping.

SKYLARKING

She searches the sky most days.

Never says skies;

to her that one vastness

holds so much.

Sometimes she forgets 

she cannot contemplate what exists above.

There are days she wants to pull down the clouds 

to build a maze.

Days she wants to swallow the small ones; 

their cold candyfloss hydration.

Days she wants to lie down on the side of a hill

with someone she loves 

naming every shape.

Days she thinks she would be happy 

just watching everything glide by

in the colour of swans.

World Early Stroll Day

This morning the air carries the essence of silage. It is warm and uplifted by floral scents.

Alt text suggests this week’s photo could be a purple ball on a gravel surface. I say it is a deflating balloon which I saw at the end of my early morning stroll on Saturday morning. I don’t always go for a stroll on a Saturday morning, but I remembered that it was ‘World Early Stroll Day’ and I was keen to find out what I would see in the new day. There was a thunderstorm as I was waking up, the claps of thunder were loud cracking booms and the rain was heavy, so I waited for all that to end before venturing out. Work in our road is being carried out to replace the gas pipes so the smell of gas infused clay was hanging thick in the humid air and my photo journey captured that work at first. I enjoyed ignoring the red light of the traffic light outside my house and walking on past it. I also found much to interest me in the lines and shadows of the holes that had been dug, but found myself beginning to wish for something different and colourful. Just as I was wondering whether to veer off to see if I could find flowers, I saw the balloon. It looked like it was having a rest after being well loved. There was a gentle poignancy to this thought that made me smile.

Here’s the montage I put together for the invitation from Andrew Brooks and Ian Macmillan for people to share their early morning strolls. (Traffic lights on red against a blue sky. A purple balloon on the pavement. A hole in the road to expose the gas pipe. A wonky No Smoking sign. Another hole in the ground where the deep rainwater reflects the shadow of the barriers.)

I enjoyed looking at all the different early morning strolls that were being shared on social media. I love the tingle of the joy of early mornings and the fresh potential of a new day. Sometimes when I feel I haven’t seized the opportunity to note it or celebrate it in some way my heart sinks a little. There is an enjoyment to looking back on a day or period in time and reflecting on things that I am grateful for, but the feeling of looking forward is a hopeful kind of joy that shines in a different way.

On Saturday morning as well as my stroll I had treated myself to a ticket for the ‘Badger Saturday’ writing workshop with Clare Shaw and Miriam Darlington. I already had a lovely little kenning dedicated to badgers which I wrote in a workshop with Angela Topping, and I was keen to extend my knowledge and use the time to write what I was calling in my head ‘a full-on, solid badger poem’. That poem is emerging, it is indeed solid, and I look forward to spending time editing it into a finished piece.

Curiosity led me back to my driving to work tweets this week to see what was set down as my record of travelling to work in lockdown. Some of the snippets of writing from that time evolved into poems and I was pleased to see that I had kept all of the original notes as a reminder and a set of snapshots. My first one was short and seems to have focused very much on colour: “Orange and pink sunrise and a Rupert scarf.” The more I wrote, the more I observed, and I found myself tuning into the subtle changing of seasons and the passing of time.  

You can listen to a set of poems that arose from these thoughts on my YouTube Channel if you like such things. Driving to Work January 2023 to March 2023.   

Here’s a poem that arose from my early morning observations in June 2023:

Friday 23rd June 2023

The herbed air is a tonic for my lungs,

a black sandbag an obedient dog

waiting for its owner.

And then,

just when it seemed the thought of her gone

was balancing,

on the central reservation

a white and ginger cat

suddenly a gymnast

frozen in time.

THAT BANDSTAND

This morning the birds have already sung in the new day. The air is still, and holds the scent of almonds.

Alt text says this week’s photo is a person standing in front of a sign. I say it is me behind the bannered and flagged railings of the bandstand at Oswestry Pride saying poems out loud.

I originally gave this post the same title as this time last year before realising I was repeating myself. Changing it to ‘That Bandstand’ instead of ‘The Bandstand’ reminds me of retitling one of my poems and how it brought the object closer. I feel I can bring Oswestry bandstand closer now because I have had the joy of standing on it to deliver poems twice. I have loved bandstands ever since watching Trumpton as a child many years ago. My local park didn’t have a bandstand and it seemed wonderful and slightly exotic to my younger self that some parks actually did!

When I first started sharing my poems at open mics I often used to choose the shortest poem possible so that I wouldn’t run out of breath before the end. I soon realised that my short poems often worked well on the page but didn’t always own their space out loud when read singularly – by the time the person had tuned in to my voice the poem could well be over. When it came to longer readings, I used to imagine that I didn’t have enough breath in me for a whole set of poems which I guess could actually be true if you don’t pause to inhale! It has been an interesting journey to outrun these thoughts and then reframe them.

Now when I am planning a set I have enough past experience to bolster me so that the process focuses on crafting the set not being distracted by thoughts of expiring through lack of oxygen. Last year at Pride I came in a bit short. I confess I might have had my head focused on completion rather than staying in the moment! There’s something rather nice about getting to repeat an experience. You can respond to your own what ifs. What if I had stayed in the moment a little more? What if I delivered the lines with slightly better pacing? What if I didn’t stand on tiptoe all the way through because I was too scared to alter the position of the mic at the start? So this week I planned my setlist on paper and then tested it out loud to make sure it lasted the required amount of time. It did, but it didn’t flow so I readjusted it and then invited Kath to Poetry Corner to hear the revised set. I had given myself the overarching theme of ‘Play’ which felt fun and is also a nod to this year’s National Poetry Day.

I am also very grateful to Caroline Bird for reminding me that no one expects a pianist to launch straight into their performance as soon as they arrive on stage so settling into the space and taking a breath before starting is a good and natural thing for poets to do. I had a few things to say to myself to ground me and I enjoyed adding to this the image of a pianist preparing to perform.

My Hurry Up Driver which springs into action when feelings of stress are present does a very good job of distorting time. Hence that feeling that I need to begin as soon as I am positioned on stage or as soon as someone hands over the metaphorical microphone. Kath assures me that no one at my Dad’s funeral was thinking ‘just read the blinking poem’ when I had to get myself together to even say the title, but to me it felt like a very long pause in danger of turning into a ‘leaves on the line’ kind of delay. My mind can deliver a large number of thoughts in rapid succession at such moments and definitely benefits from being stilled so that time isn’t spent silently responding to these or letting them take root in the space.

So in a week where my joy included a birthday, a many times recandled cake, new songs from Mary Chapin Carpenter, and saying a proper hello to Caroline Bird in 3D life, I am celebrating remembering the following: breathe, the space is yours, give what you’ve got.

Here’s the poem that was once called The Coin which is a love poem for my wife as well as being a reminder of my tendency to need to be early for things. (For me five minutes early used to be late!)

THAT COIN

I imagine putting that pound coin in my mouth

tonguing it from heads to tails

and back again.

As you walked in,

a clock somewhere struck eight,

while the minute hand of the one I was eyeing

clicked its thirtieth tick.

Your hair

your skirt

your make-up

your eyes straight ahead

told me

you were out of my league.

Then that fumble of fingers

had that coin falling from your grip.

Your one flaw was all I needed to say my name.

Like a one-armed bandit on triple seven

I rattled out the stories of my life

and still you said yes to a coffee I wouldn’t make

and paused on the bridge over the canal

to kiss me.

I could love that pound coin forever.

Take its metallic tang again and again.

Turning the Calendars Over

This morning the air smells cold. It is clear and fresh as though it has been rinsed by night. I sense floral elements, but even standing still under the blue sky and breathing deeply I cannot name them.

Alt text offers no suggestions for this week’s photo. I say it is part of each of the photos for the month of June on the two calendars I like to make each year. The #LookThere calendar has Ronnie somersaulting for joy at the Welsh coast with a wind farm out at sea, and the #ElasticBandPhotos calendar features ‘Curled in Shade’ which shows a discarded elastic band curled on the ground. It was lovely to read a comment on social media where a viewer felt the elastic band looked as though it was hugging itself.

I like turning over the calendars at the start of each month. New pictures, new starts. An additional reminder of potential. I also like to choose something to look back on to see where I have come from. This time I chose to reflect on my walking because I wanted to see the evidence of my improved habits. I also knew that it was going to be positive and there is something comforting right now in that reassurance. And when I looked I saw that both my walking apps for May (one for brisk minutes and one for distance) indicated that I worked hard on my fitness for the whole month. This feels worthy of celebration and also sets me up to continue the pattern this month. My walking is good for my physical and mental health and is also important because it will enable me to enjoy the experience of walking up Snowdon for sunrise. I want to be fit enough to enjoy all elements of the climb as I go so that I stay present in the moment.

There was also in the moment evidence that my walking efforts are working whilst on a trip out to Hawkstone Park. The park features a number of follies and the fact that these are set within a hilly area means there are plenty of steps to climb. My legs coped well, and I didn’t have that leaden feeling that I often associate with climbing steps.

I recorded some poetry videos this week and during the process I noticed that I do quite a lot of swinging on my chair. When I work to diminish this so that it is less of a distraction to the viewer I find myself twirling my fingers out of camera shot instead. It makes sense to me now why I was always comfortable leaning on a tabletop when attending meetings, or why I felt the need to constantly doodle on my notepad – I need some kind of bodily feedback to anchor me. I also learned that I am easily distracted by social media videos of thirsty camels drinking water that they are offered from water bottles or the range of clips that show that cats don’t seem to like jumping on tinfoil. Noting all this means I have ways of speeding up the video recording process if I need to in the future!

There has been a new way for me to anchor myself in the moment when out walking because I now have a set of in-ear headphones. I love the way I can be completely connected to music whilst out in the open air. I thought they would be good, and they have exceeded my expectations. I used to long for a veranda overlooking nothing but the sea, or hills, or mountains so that I could sit out on at the end of the day and listen to music while the sun sets. It’s like my wife has bought me my own version of that very veranda in those two in-ear devices. I can sit out with music at a level I can hear without worrying about disturbing the neighbours. It also means I have had music in my ears whilst mowing the lawn, digging out a range of weeds and taming a variety of things that have been growing and growing. This is useful for me because I miss music when I don’t get to listen to it and it also gives a relaxed feel to things that can otherwise feel like chores. It helps to know I can put one of my favourite albums on and use this designated time outdoors.

My garden time this week included digging a decent sized hole to plant a gooseberry bush. Seeing the spade cut through the topsoil and down into the clay reminded me of my brother and I digging in the garden when we were young. I captured my memories of this in a poem. It’s another good poem for my ‘Play’ setlist for National Poetry Day in October and in celebration of that I will share it here now:

Digging that Hole

Day after day she let us dig that hole.

You made the sides straight,

marvelled at lines you called strata.

I just liked the way there was real orange

in amongst the expected brown

how it looked sliced instead of dirty.

I disliked the crumbs at the bottom,

that never diminishing scattering,

that I couldn’t spade out.

You said if we kept on, worked hard enough,

we’d feel warmth from the centre of the earth,

that we’d know by laying our hands flat

on the bottom of our freshly dug hole.

You told me Australia was right beneath us.

It all seemed so worth digging for.

I pictured us emerging in a different country,

staying there until teatime,

coming back to tell Mum.

Each time you pressed your palm to feel for heat

you looked hopeful

silently inviting me to copy.

But I only ever felt the cold damp

of earthworms.

The first thing I thought of each holiday morning

was digging that hole. I pictured you

spade ready, jumping in, getting started,

swinging your loaded spade high.

I imagined myself up top

remembering that excavated piles

took up more room out of the hole than in;

shovelling the earth away as quickly as I could;

being interrupted by your sudden warning –

it’s hot, the lava’s coming.

RAINBOWS AND CHICKPEAS

This morning the day felt quiet as if it was snoozing its way into Bank Holiday Monday, and I found myself almost tiptoeing outside to breathe the air. It was clear and fresh.

Alt text says this week’s photo is a rainbow over a field of tall grass. I say it is a rainbow on the country walk. I also say it is a wonderful sign of keeping going. Colour against grey. My dad always kept going. He was a completer, hardworking, patient. Before vehicles were designed to be plugged in to help find their faults when things went wrong my Dad would work to find the problem and solve it. He was clever, methodical and always determined. I know he wouldn’t have turned around and headed for home when it rained heavily on a walk, so this week I didn’t either. If you tune in regularly to this blog you will know I am very much a fair weather walker, and that I am learning to embrace walking in different weather conditions. (My progress includes learning to be more prepared by remembering to wear the right shoes and take a layer if it’s cold or looks like it might rain.) So I have my Dad to thank for keeping me going this week. As well as the person who wrote to offer condolences and to say, Shine for your dad, Sue. I feel like I am patting myself back into shape, and that keeping going is an important part of this. That rainbow halfway along my walk was a lovely ‘pause, remember and breathe’ moment.

Gratitude too for baguettes from the bakery up the road, for chickpeas, and for black coffee because these things have all accompanied conversations and laughter this week.

Grief has been the perished rubber of a flat tyre, the wrinkled end of a deflating balloon, a dull heaviness to the body, a horizontal. Songs on my playlists have been welcoming me back when I have pulled myself out of my need for silence. Finding colour and light mixing in has given me things to lean in to, something to prop myself up against, a gentle re-plumping.

Reading ‘Hopscotch’ at The Gloucester Poetry Society’s Crafty Crows open mic felt good because I was taking part in things again. And although I shared it on my YouTube channel back in 2022 I had never read it to a live audience so I wanted to give it an airing of its own. Afterwards I discovered that the theme for National Poetry Day this coming October will be ‘Play’. That gives me a prime opportunity to read it again which is good because I like reading it out loud. This news also sent me to my poetry folder to see what other poems I have that will fit this theme and which drafts I can polish in readiness. I look forward to exploring the theme in detail and predict that poets will be sharing some cracking poems on that day.

HOPSCOTCH

The numbers should be in a straight line

like a road, or left to right

with a zero at the centre.

Hopscotching them is wrong

it’s not even that the odd ones make a

pattern for your feet to land on.

You say I should be throwing a stone

to tell me where to jump to

that just going from one to ten

is not how it’s done.

I don’t tell you I am only doing it

because it’s there

or that I think using a stone is wrong.

I like the smoothness of dice and counters,

the satisfaction of rolling fair-weighted ones.

It worries me that the squares aren’t square

and what of the chalk with its impermanence?

I fear I cannot hopscotch with you.

It’s ok if you don’t want to play,

you are saying, I understand.

But I don’t want you to understand.

I want you to change the game;

adapt the rules

and make it better.

I’ll play, I tell you,

just don’t make it stop at ten.

Make it last longer.

Make the squares as square as you can,

go to one hundred,

and find me the smoothest pebble possible.

We can’t use a stone if it goes to one hundred,

you tell me

as you pocket the chalk.