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The winter had brought me darkness,
made me cold to the bones,
kept me hidden inside.
A need for warmth set my desire for kindling.
A wigwam of newspaper and dried twigs
waited in the grate.
And there was the axe,
weapon-ready from the night before
when I feared an intruder in the cellar.
I swung and missed first time.
The log wobbled,
rocked before settling
like the last vibrations of a saucepan lid
dropped on the kitchen floor.
So, I held it still;
thick log suddenly dainty
between my thumb and forefinger.
Next swing hit.
Metal threatening my veins
with black paint and mud.
I needed to bleed.
The air, fresh with evergreens
and lingering frost
held my mind sharp.
I couldn’t look.
I just raised my hand
as if to ask a question
and began pacing.
Wash it under the tap, she said.
Too fragile. Hardly joined,
I refused.
I saved my fainting for the doctor,
for the moment he wielded metal trimmers
to scissor my finger straight.